Let the Diet Commence...

Lying in bed late last night...

"I think I'll go on a diet tomorrow."

"That's the first clue that it's not going to happen then!"

"What do you mean?"

"Well the words; I think at the beginning are probably your biggest clue darling"

Now, that's when I just have to prove him wrong....I'm like a small child really, the more someone says I can't or won't do something then I have to go ahead and prove I can or I will. He's probably looking at me these days and wondering what on earth he married, so is using a little reverse psychology on me. I can't blame him really. I think the very same thing every time I have to climb into my swimsuit for Imogen's swimming lessons. Why is it that the changing rooms are always at the opposite end to where you have to get into the pool? It's like a form of torture...parade your cellulite for all to see!

A few days ago Mr PL uttered those 3 longed for but also dreaded words..."Last minute holiday"..."Last minute what?" I spluttered? Having just made a Lemon Drizzle Cake and 10 cupcakes, it wasn't really what I was hoping to hear. "Are you thinking of booking some last minute liposuction to go with that darling?"

"Where were you thinking"?

Now I was hoping that he was going to say somewhere cold as it would give me the perfect opportunity to buy this great little suit that Mr Garden Girl (From all things lovely) really felt I should buy when I was worrying about being cold on our first camping expedition (Such a funny man)! As it cost more than the actual tent at £800 I felt I should really give it a miss but sometimes "Needs must"!

Maybe that wonderful Ice Hotel and I could dress up like Shirley Bassey in the M&S Christmas advert in a big furry coat hiding a multitude of sins. Or a city of Culture perhaps?

"Somewhere hot, where we can relax by a pool and the girls can have fun"

Now is it just my husband or would any men in your lives think nothing of putting the words "relax and pool" in the same sentence when discussing children aged 2 & 3 yrs old? Who ever would be able to 'relax by a pool' when they have a 3 year old that thinks after obtaining her 'duckling' grade 1 award she'll be able to give Rebecca Adlington a run for her money at the 2012 Olympics?

Good God...Men just don't get it do they? They don't realise just how much the idea of having to wear a bikini horrifies most of us women!. I know, I know, I should be 'Comfortable in my own skin' etc etc but unfortunately that's just not me and I totally admire any woman that is. Now how the hell am I going to lose a stone before he decides the time is right to subject other holiday makers to my beautifully 'baked' Muffin top!

I was just starting to breathe a sigh of relief that we were coming to the end of the Summer(?) and I could comfortably slip into those big baggy jumpers and hide my souvenirs of child birth, not parade it on a beach somewhere to repulse anyone within a few metres of me. Now I have to rewind back 5 months when I was eagerly anticipating a beautiful British Summer and start to think about having to wear Summer dresses again....Although it does give me an excuse to wear these pretty little numbers....

So, after much huffin'n'puffin at 6.30 this morning, I donned the Nike's ,tweaked my frame of mind a little and headed to the gym at Bishopstrow House.

OK OK, so I haven't got the hang of the gym bag thing!!

Luckily there weren't any other completely mad people there to join me at 6.45am, so I didn't have to pretend that I was incredibly fit and run a half-marathon on the treadmill. Good God, I almost have an asthma attack when I'm slowly cycling away on the exercise bike watching GMTV!!

I almost fell off the stepping machine when I heard the door open behind..Oh God, is it going to be some mega fit hunky man? If it is, then I'll have to pretend that I've just finished my morning work-out, do a few stretching exercises and leave spending the remaining hour in the jacuzzi un-winding from my strenuous 8 minute work out. Apparently it's compulsory!!!!

Unfortunately it was only the cleaner filling up a glass jug from the water cooler..

"Do you want the lights on love? you can hardly see what you're doing"

"Oh, yes please" I reply trying to sound as if I was so engrossed in my calorie burning that I failed to notice that I was almost in darkness. Maybe there were another 10 hunky men in there after all and I just couldn't see them!

Then the door opened again...The gardener...again filling up his flask from the water cooler...That's what my monthly membership goes on....

After full 10 minutes work-out and having almost flung myself up onto the ceiling when I attempted to pull 20kgs on a biceps pull thingamajig...I decided that was probably enough for one day so went and ordered an orange juice and a piece of toast and sat in the library reading Harper's Bazaar. This came to my attention and whilst I sat there dreaming of a wonderful Spa Break somewhere in the Far East I clicked back to reality and the fact that I'm sure Mr PL had something much cheaper and child friendly in mind!!!

"Mummy where have you been?"

"To the gym"

"Whats that?"

"Somewhere that mummy goes and thinks that after 3 visits she'll look like Kate Moss"

"Who's Kate Moss?"

"Someone daddy wishes I looked like darling"


So there you have it. Day one of diet completed. All I have to do now is convince the lovely Mr PL that November would be a much nicer month to go in. Obviously not during the Homemade & Vintage Fair of course!

I thought that if I shared my new 'mission' with you all it would give me a little more incentive to continue the gym and diet regime! I may have to stop reading blogs however as all those homemade cakes and lovely meals are just far too tempting!

Now off to use this contraption....It 'aids' sit ups apparently. Hopefully it'll mean I'll have a little less jelly belly to 'fold' into my jeans by the end of it. They really should add 'support knickers' to the hospital bag list when you are expecting a child. When I had my first daughter I had this vision that I would skip out of the hospital, babe in arms in my size 10 jeans, I was utterly horrified when the reality was hobbling out due to a copious amount of stitches, unable to hold my newborn babe close due to severe cracking of nipples and my stomach wobbling around somewhere near to my knees.

Almost 4 years later the delivery room I gave birth in no longer exists and has been replaced by a shiny new hospital unfortunately my jelly belly hasn't....time it was I think!!!